Linking

Gonna update tonight, promise, I just wanted to say I added this to my links :)
Deaths Magazine - IT's an awesome site so please check it out!
He's a cool guy, and I'll be working on a drawing for him soon.
ALSO! I got two commissions, yay!

Also linking GOREGASM
an old forum I used to browse at, it's great for lurking in the night. This is the old, original site.

I have also started following the blog, CultDB - which is great for those b movies.

MOUSE IS FAIL.

SO I tried a drawing with just ink, and then took a marker for the blood....
it's sloppy and there are things I wanted to change about it -
which normally I would if I could use a tablet pen T_T.
Then I tried to fix it up and color it in with a mouse -
a ROLLER BALL mouse or whatever, totally difficult and I'm still not at all
pleased with the results.
Oh tablet pen! Come to me please! So I can really fuck up these dumb bitches :(
Original Scan, Large Size found HERE.

COLOR (Mouse ATTEMPT) and Large Size found HERE.

Yeah, I tried to change the mouth - the mouth and hair are

what I would've changed the most if I had a pen, but it was hard trying

with the mouse so I'm still not satisfied at all with face or hair.

PISSED OFF SKETCH TEST SCANNER.

Stupid fuckin' friends are fuckin' stupid.
Angry and annoyed made me sketch some stuff, I was practicing "expressions" (of pain,etc)...
if you want to know why I was pissed, short description underneath at Read More - it's really stupid really.
BIGGER/BIG ASS VERSION OF PICTURE HERE.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Strangely enough I don't think I'm dressing up or getting drunk today - it's my friend's birthday, I'm going to celebrate with her :)
So I'll pretty much be on my best behavior - this girl doesn't know a fraction of my ..."hobbies".
So today will be going out in public and behaving, which isn't bad a lot of the times, it's nice to do that and feel a little more normal.
So I had to do something here for Halloween!
This guy got my interest (humor!)

 "Halloween is a sinister day with occultist roots. As we move along in the last days an increasing number of people are realizing that Halloween is a pagan worship day. It is day that honors false gods, demons and Satan. I have no desire to enter into the worship of false gods nor honor the devil. I hope after considering this study you will agree and decide NOT TO CELEBRATE HALLOWEEN. Put Ephesians 5:11 into practice, "...have NO fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove (expose) them."

And then he continues on to say,

• HALLOWEEN ALTERNATIVES

"I have come to believe that Christ is not honored by celebrating Halloween. I have shared my conviction with my family. As a result, we have replaced the celebration of Halloween with something completely unassociated to it. We make it a family night and do something special together. You can see that I do believe in the PRINCIPLE OF REPLACEMENT. I believe that Romans 12:21 teaches it. "Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good."

Certainly remove the bad. Explain to your children why you are not celebrating Halloween any more. BUT then replace it with something that will glorify God (I Corinthians 10:31). Be creative. Make what you do more fun, yet honor Christ. Have a harvest party where you focus on Christ the creator and his provisions for you. Have a Christian video party. Have a glory gathering where Christian songs are sung and the word is preached. Get a group together and go from door to door (not dressed up) and pass out Gospel tracts then meet for a time of fellowship afterward."

            -- Pastor David L. Brown, Ph.D.

 Okay, I understand he's a pastor and has a Ph.D and what not and he seems pretty excited and all, it may be true that myself am not a religious person but I couldn't imagine explaining to my children --

Yes, every other child in the neighborhood gets to run around in a costume - a special one they wear only once a year - get tons of free candy - but yeah, tonight we're going to HAVE A CHRISTIAN VIDEO PARTY and instead GO DOOR TO DOOR PASSING OUT GOSPEL TRACTS ( and when they offer us candy, don't take it!) 

Oh boy, would that well over with the children.

I mean, I respect all forms of religion and people who follow it, believe what you wish, but no matter what origins of Halloween have been derived from occult and paganism or whatever devilspeak have you, these days it's become nothing of a childish holiday - for fun, just how Christmas went from the Birth of Christ to Macy's sales and superficial gift trading. 

AND YES - He makes a point in his article, people get hurt on Halloween. (So be careful tonight guys!), But that makes it no different from how people get hurt every other day. I really wouldn't go as far as to say people are widely encouraged and prone to violence just because of Halloween.

Halloween is meant to be scary and what not, but it's always advertised to be FUN above all and I really think such acts of violence of deeper origins - media, people, whatever -- Halloween is...

I mean I know it's stupid but I don't remember once in my childhood saying "Trick or Treat" where I didn't always get treat. (The Pastor talks about how Trick or Treat originates from how people used to dress up in animals skins to fool demons - if that didn't suffice, they would leave them a "treat' (of food or something) to please them. If that didn't work, they'd "trick" you by casting an evil spell on you and your home.)

But yeah, that's my ranting a little - if you want to read more about the Pastor's thoughts on how evil Halloween is, you can read it here: The Dark Side of Halloween - Pastor David L. Brown, Ph.D 

Btw - he also thinks:

• Other things that lure children into the occult --

1. Black & heavy metal music

2. Fantasy Role playing games

3. Slasher/horror movies & sadistic pornography

4. Reading occult & satanic literature

AHAHAHAHA :( I love all those things, fuck yeah World of Warcraft! LOL 

And now: People getting hurt on Halloween...

Sloppy? + INTERVIEW 001

I've been so lazy with this!
I don't mean blogging - It's been like over a week for you guys but actually I've been writing in my notebook everyday!
I'm really annoyed because it seems Blogger doesn't have a "cut" feature, where I can type some stuff here, and then post a link to expand to the rest of the content - I have a few content in one post so I'd like to be able to make a few of those for you!
But I can't, I think the best you'll get it just one cut at the bottom of the page T_T
I just find making too long of posts will discourage you guys from reading!
So this first content will be finally ~ yay, a first interview!
Now, you should be able to tell I am familiar with this person but they aren't someone I see or talk to in my daily life, so don't get nosy!
I told them that this would be anonymous and I wouldn't be biased or anything with the knowledge I have for him,
and by gods did he listen - because I learned stuff about him I didn't know about!
He was kind enough to be honest during the interview and I'm very excited about it,
but this is only part one - so here it is:

Quick Update (again!)

I promise to start with a proper post tomorrow!
Anyways, images wasn't working before - but I got them up, sorry they're from a cell, so added drawings to previous post...
and bad news:
can't find my tablet pen (again! I don't get how it's gone, I haven't TOUCHED IT since my computer broke!)
good news:
Got a scanner! So now I can scan paper drawings!
not so good:
Need to buy usb cable for printer soon :<
Look forward to tomorrow!
P.S:
For those of you who weren't prepared for my doodles - well, I tried to say I was fucked up, but now you know (not even the half of it haha...)

QUICK UPDATE (Udated again with pics)

This is a short quick crappy update, becauuuuse -
Did NOT fix my laptop.Was not able to format,
however, I was able to use the disc to format my mom's old desktop -
and though it sucks balls (512RAMT_T) I am hoping it will be able to run my art programs and tablets so I can start drawing,
but for sure it will suffice in me being able to update the blog with proper content -hurrah!
But I far too tired tonight to do that, but I will leave you with some crappy very hard to see blurry from cellphone sketches I did -
if you look, the writing is my notes for what I am going to put in future posts!
(So technically, I have been writing for you guys! Tomorrow I will spend all day copying it down!)
Sorry for the quality(cellphone), but it adds to the whole 'quickdoodles'aspect!
Anyways, hurrah, now that I have a working computer, Blog will be updated daily! (A few times daily)
Skull fucked! End.

Uck...

So, I had a friend over and my blog came up, and he was awfully excited about it, so I decided to show it to him - he read the beginning with little interest...and I had begun to read him the bit about the bird, and he was like ..." You wanted to break it's neck? You wanted to kill a bird? Why?" ...and it had been said with such...confusion and disgust that it nearly shocked me, I had pulled it from him so he wouldn't read more and felt this sting of hurt and shame. Damn me for sharing! BLEH! ( and to think, that was just over a small bird...!) I'm sure others have or have thought about something similar, no? )

Introduction of Sorts

I'm at the library posting this, and I'm feeling somewhat pressed for time and exposed so it'll be a little sloppy.

And so, welcome to the blog. I’m sure some of you would be interested in hearing about my daily life (?!) and other sort of personal things but really I’ve never stuck to updating those sort of journals or whatever, so this blog isn’t going to be like that – though maybe here and there where I see relative , maybe.
This blog will purpose me in collecting, learning, understanding and – fantasizing though “interests” of mine. The taboo, the things many would call “evil”, the things people have had nightmares about.
There are really two kinds of people concerning this collective:
Those who would enjoy reading, and those who would not. SIMPLE. I don’t want to nor will I elaborate any further, if it’s not your thing, you probably shouldn’t be here…don’t you agree?
The “normal” ones, would not.
The “not so normal” ones, perhaps we share something in common. (To some degree?)
And just what am I, exactly? Strange? I can be. Crazy? I don’t think so – most of the time.
But what about normal?
Normal is only majority. And I am not a person like most, not in majority.
So if you are like me, reading this sort of material is like opening a forbidden book of secrets. Skimming through these “abnormal” things would bring me intrigue, excitement, wonderment – and on the best of times, fear. The way insides twist in a manner that is enjoyable. Kind of like that sinful feeling of elation, triumph and curiosity you felt the first time you looked up PORNOGRAPHY . Same thing.
And for everyone not like me, the “normal” ones. Majority. Don’t worry if this kind of content produces nothing more than disgust, mortifying horror, or the urge to vomit. It’s all right – you’re not one of “us”. :)
“Us”.
We are people of all walks of life, of different ages, occupations, from different families and locations.
Perhaps something made us this way.
Or maybe, such as it was for me-
You got that small taste for that “something disgusting” and didn’t vomit. Instead you only gain an insatiable, endless, and somehow destructive hunger.
Well yeah, this blog is one of my ways to keep that hunger at bay.
So lastly, it will be with my greatest effort to accept and try to understand all that is out there, and write with a most open mind.
And to those who do decide to read – even for your own simplest entertainment,
I ask Reader, to please try and keep an open mind as well – after all we are all but human.

And yeah - I think I'll maybe put this up in the profile or whatever...
While I'm here at the library, I hope to find some new interesting material to give review on -
next entry, I will be talking about a few movies : Karla, Abnormal Beauty, and Natural Born Killers (Classic!).
I also saw this book in the store, photographs of crime scenes! Boy oh boy, I must get that one. Also, probably an interview of a sadist. And any more if I can muster up any more people to let me interview them! Hmmph!

And lastly, a thought of today -
I was working out in the living room, and I heard a sudden BOOM!
I'd caught it out of the corner of my eye, and thought for some reason, someone had thrown a rock at our glass door, but it had thudded strangely and didn't crack the glass, so -
My mother had heard it too, she'd urge me to go investigate - and I'd found it was a small little bird that had done flown into our door! Poor thing, I was quite adamant about bringing it in, giving it warmth and checking for injuries. My mother's cruel about little mice, so I was surprised she was supportive. I tucked the little one into a towel, kept it safe, let it rest.
It wasn't until I had walked away I had that smallest thought - a mixture of ideas, all in one, yet all the same feeling...
...maybe I can get it, and tell her it passed on...broke it's neck or something...

I felt quite mean and guilty so the thought was dismissed fast...

Later on, the bird was missing - It wasn't me! You jerks! Haha, I have more control than that!
But anyways, it was found shortly after, and we'd establish it was healthy enough to go off. So my mother had me bring it out to the front.
I probably sat there for a good 30 minutes...when I'd first gotten the bird, it was slumped over, neck looked pretty broken to me, it probably had like a mini-concussion or something...
But now, it was perched up on my fingers, looking around curiously and I'd pet it constantly or try and encourage to fly off but it wouldn't.
Again, thoughts...
...if I go back inside, I can always say it flew away. Then there'd be no suspicion at all....
I have to say, I thought about it for awhile now. Not just breaking its neck, but having liberties - such as dissection or the like, taking photos and things like that...

Anyways, after another 15 minutes or so, I went back inside, and left the birdie on a tree branch since it so refused to leave...
Well not exactly.
While I was thinking that stuff, it had actually hopped off my hand and flown off, but it hit the ground fast - as if it knew I'd suddenly become a danger!
It could hardly fly though, hopped about until I finally caught it again. Then I set it on the tree...

it made me wonder, It's not like I have a thing for dead animals or anything. I read up on homicides and serial cases...So why?
And did it really feel my sudden change in nature?
Oh well! Pretty boring, sorry if I bored you ;)

Wants

Okay, first post - typically just for testing layout.
I'm having trouble getting my hands on DVD -
Salò, or the 120 Days of Sodom
those of you familiar with Sade works will know the jist of it -
Taken from Wikipedia:
Salò o le 120 giornate di Sodoma (Salò or the 120 Days of Sodom), commonly referred to as Salò, is a controversial 1975 Italian film written and directed by Italian director Pier Paolo Pasolini with uncredited writing contributions by Pupi Avati.^[1][2] It is based on the book The 120 Days of Sodom by the Marquis de Sade. Because of its scenes depicting intensely graphic violence, sadism, and sexuality, the movie was extremely controversial upon its release, and remains banned in several countries to this day. It was Pasolini's last film; he was murdered shortly before Salò was released.
as well as the book by Richard Freiherr von Krafft-Ebing, Psychopathia Sexualis.
Taken from Wikipedia:
He wrote Psychopathia Sexualis (1886), a famous series of case studies of sexual perversity. The book remains well known for his coinage of the terms sadism (from the Marquis de Sade) and masochism (from the name of writer Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, whose partly autobiographical novel Venus in Furs tells of the protagonist's desire to be whipped and enslaved by a beautiful woman).

Blessed! Tell me these two intriguing things wouldn't be a thrilling addition to one's (my) library?
I'd love to get a hold of the book (I already have Sade's literature, so I just need that DVD!) - give myself a decent read, haven't had a good one in a long while now, one can only read so much true crime/serial killer/case studies, before they just simply have ready about them all A-Z with different authors.
Which reminds me, straight out of my library, if you're looking for a complete dossier on such criminals, I'll forward you to - The Serial Killer Files - Harold Schecter.
It is a good read, interesting enough, nicely written and very informative without being boring. I've read it thoroughly a few times, makes a good toilet read too - haha. The Amazon link includes preview of the contents and a few pages.
So, wish me luck with this blog!